Quotations

Some of my favorite quotations, sayings, and laughs.  I find them in books, magazines, bumper stickers, websites, signature lines, just about anywhere.  They are in no particular order - just random!

• If money is the root of all evil, why do churches beg for it?
   
• The best of all gifts around any Christmas tree:  the presence of a happy family all wrapped up in each other.  (Burton Hillis)
   
• A laugh is a smile that bursts. (Mary H. Waldrip)
   
• 90% of being smart is knowing what you're dumb at.
   
• Department of Redundancy Department
   
• Enter any 11-digit prime number to continue...
   
• Wrinkles only go where the smiles have been. (Jimmy Buffett)
   
• ERROR: Keyboard not attached. Press F1 to continue.
   
• There's no place like 127.0.0.1
   
• Deja Moo: The feeling you've heard this bullshit before.
   
• I'm late for my Green Eggs and Ham discussion group. Tonight is why he would not eat them on a train. (Phoebe on FRIENDS)
   
• You are only as happy as you think you are.  (This is now a favorite because my son wrote it on his own in one of his school folders!)
   
• All true wisdom is found on t-shirts
   
• How do you get holy water? Boil the hell out of it.
   
• Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don't have film.
   
• My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance
   
• Some drink at the fountain of knowledge... others just gargle.
   
• I refuse to have a battle of wits with an unarmed opponent.
   
• Cloning is the sincerest form of flattery.
   
• Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
   
• People that hate cats will come back as mice in their next life.
   
• If knees were backwards what would chairs look like?
   
• A dyslexic, agnostic insomniac - one who lies awake at night wondering if there really is a dog.
   
• It will be a great day when our schools have all the money they need and the military has to hold a bake sale to buy ammunition.
   
• It's not an optical illusion, it just looks that way.
   
• You're just jealous cause the voices only talk to me.
   
• Enough research will tend to support your theory.
   
• Bald Guys never have a bad hair day.
   
• Photons have mass!?? I didn't even know they were Catholic...
   
• I bought some powdered water, but I don't know what to add.
   
• Do vegetarians eat animal crackers?
   
• There are three kinds of people: those who can count, and those who can't.
   
• 5 out of 4 people don't understand fractions.
   
• Color... it's just a pigment of your imagination
   
• TV is chewing gum for the eyes. Frank Lloyd Wright.
   
• I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
   
• Energizer Bunny arrested, charged with battery.
   
• Help Wanted: Telepath. You know where to apply.
   
• Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food? - George Carlin
   
• 668: the neighbor of the beast.
  0.666 -- Number of the Millibeast
  1010011010 -- Binary of The Beast
   
• A priest, a rabbi, and a minister walk into a bar. The bartender says, What is this, some kind of joke?
   
• Thousands of years ago, cats were worshipped as gods. Cats have never forgotten this.
   
• The truth is out there? Does anyone know the URL?
   
• I spilled spot remover on my dog. He's gone now.
   
• Price. Quality. Service: Pick two.
   
• I tried sniffing Coke once, but the ice cubes got stuck in my nose.